Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
