dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
