I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
