you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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