I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
