he was CRYING into my vagina
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
