So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
