i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
