I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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