I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
