you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize
