bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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