it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
