im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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