We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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