Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I wish you could order shots online.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
