in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
