I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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