we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
