They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
