ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
