david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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