just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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