He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
