i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
