the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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