we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
