I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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