True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
