apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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