it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
