This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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