What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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