I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
