Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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