i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
