I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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