On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
my liver is dry heaving
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
