I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
