I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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