btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I think my fart just growled at me.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
