I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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