We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
