I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
