Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I touched a dick in church today
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
