Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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