Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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