a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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