I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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