i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
