LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
