I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I wish there were birth control emojis
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
