Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
