the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
