you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
