The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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