Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
