Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
